Marriage – what God has joined together

 Chapter 15 from The Great Divorce Controversy by ES Williams

 In tracing the pathway to mass divorce we saw how the debates in 19th century England were dominated by scriptural references to marriage and divorce.  On one side were those who held that marriage was a contract that could be dissolved on certain grounds.  Those who followed the Protestant doctrine of divorce, argued that divorce was permissible for adultery and desertion, while the secular humanists rejected the Scriptures and supported divorce for any and every reason.  In the parliamentary debates, the proponents argued that divorce was a remedy that offered another chance of happiness to those in unhappy marriages.  They claimed that divorce followed by remarriage offered the hope of happy, stable relationships and would reduce the number of illegitimate children.  They also asserted that it would be better for children from unhappy homes if their parents divorced.

Those opposed to the legalisation of divorce believed that the Bible taught that marriage is an indissoluble covenant between a man and his wife.  From their knowledge of the Scriptures they understood the consequences of ignoring God’s plan for marriage, and warned of the dire consequences of divorce.  The Bishop of Oxford, for example, argued that the legalisation of divorce would weaken the institution of marriage in the eyes of society.  Although it might take time, he predicted that slowly, step by step, divorce would change the moral aspect of the nation.  He believed that the Divorce Reform Act of 1857 was contrary to the law of God, and fruitful in future crime and misery to the people of England.1  Lord Salisbury argued that extending divorce would poison the happiness of the home and inflict a curse upon the poor.2  Viscount Dungannon feared that divorce would be the means of introducing great misery among the poorer classes that was too painful to contemplate.  He warned of the consequences that would follow once society let go of the idea that marriage was a lifelong union.3  Lord John Manners declared that divorce was against the express declaration of the Scriptures and its legalisation would inevitably loosen the marriage tie, and would have momentous consequences for the nation.4  Mr William Gladstone said that the indissolubility of marriage was an idea firmly established in the mind of England, and therefore introducing divorce would have the most serious social consequences.5  Sir William Heathcote claimed that the introduction of divorce into England was a national crisis for it affected the sanctity of the family home and the purity of women.6

The prediction that divorce would damage the fabric of society is coming true during our lifetime, and the experience of millions of people confirms that divorce is the cause of great human suffering.  (The evidence presented in later chapters provides overwhelming evidence of the harm that divorce causes to men, women and children).  Moreover, many people feel uneasy about divorce for they know that the Bible teaches that it is wrong.  When Christ was asked about the reasons for divorce he drew attention to the biblical account of marriage as described in Genesis and, before discussing divorce, he clarified God’s law regarding marriage.  Clearly Jesus was making the point that it is necessary to understand the meaning and significance of marriage before one can even begin to think about divorce.  So Jesus went right back to the creation of man and woman to explain the significance of marriage, emphasising God’s plan revealed in the first few chapters of the Bible.  In our thinking about divorce we would do well to follow the example of our Lord and first understand God’s will with regard to marriage.

Marriage at Creation

According to the Bible, God instituted marriage immediately after he created the first man and woman, while Adam and Eve were still in the Garden of Eden.  We see that the idea of marriage was in the mind of God from the beginning of Creation.  In other words, marriage was no afterthought but central to the purpose for which man was created. 

God created male and female

God created mankind as sexual beings and his plan is that men and women should unite in marriage to create families and thereby propagate the human race.

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.  God blessed them and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it’ (Genesis 1:27–28a). 

The sexual nature of mankind is fundamental to God’s creation plan—sexuality is at the centre of the human condition as created in the image of God.  Jesus quoted from the first chapter of Genesis to emphasise this ultimate truth; he said that at the beginning of creation ‘God made them male and female’ (Mark 10:6).  Thus, in the original purpose of God, humanity is complete in man and woman.  The human race is divided into two sexes and both are required for procreation.  Neither male nor female is complete on their own; they need each other.  The first command that God gave to mankind, ‘Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth...’ (Genesis 1:28) can only be fulfilled by men and women joining together in sexual intercourse.  For this reason God has placed within human nature a strong sexual attraction between men and women.  We are endowed with sexual desires that make it natural for us to be attracted to the opposite sex and to enter a sexual relationship.  But we are not free to indulge our sexual appetites as we wish, for God has given us moral laws to control our sexual behaviour.  These moral laws are not only right, they are also for our good.  Implicit within divine law is the idea that sexual intercourse should take place within the marriage union. The God-given mandate to be fruitful and increase in number is to be fulfilled by the marriage of a man to his wife.  So we see that human sexuality, which finds its meaning in the procreation of the race, and marriage, are central to God’s plan for men and women.

Not good to be alone

At the time of Creation the Lord God emphasised the need that mankind has for companionship.  Men and women are not created to live in isolation, but to live in relationship with each other. 

The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone.  I will make a helper suitable for him.’ …Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man (Genesis 2:18,22). 

To provide a suitable partner for the man God created a woman from his rib, thereby highlighting the closeness of the relationship between the sexes, and providing a symbol of the one flesh union that is created at marriage.  Notice that it is God himself who gives the woman Eve to Adam, as if he is the father of the bride.  The man is overjoyed with the woman, his God-given marriage partner.  Adam recognises the closeness of the relationship to his new wife, and describes her as, ‘…bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called “woman”, for she was taken out of man’ (Genesis 2:23).  By referring to bone and flesh Adam is showing that he understands that his wife is a part of him, that she is his flesh and blood, for she was taken out of him.  Indeed, the true definition of woman is one who is taken out of man.  Adam then names her woman, signifying the role of the man as the head of the family.  Later, after the Fall, Adam names his wife Eve (Genesis 3:20), because she would become the mother of all the living.  The significance of the family name is discussed later.  

The marriage ordinance

Following the introduction of Eve to Adam, God lays down the principles that are to govern all future marriages. 

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh (Genesis 2:24).

The Scripture explains the reason for marriage: it is because of the fundamental unity between man and woman.  God has created males and females to complement each other.  The woman is created to be a suitable partner for the man; she is created from the body of the man, and is of the same flesh and bone as the man.  The joining together of male and female in marriage creates the fundamental unity of humanity.  By joining together in sexual intercourse, husband and wife create a new life which is the natural fruit of their marriage union.  It is God’s will that children are born into the family created by the one flesh marriage union.  Husband and wife, through the fruitfulness of their marriage union, become father and mother to the children born as a consequence of their one flesh union.  Both Jesus, in the gospels of Matthew and Mark, and the apostle Paul, in Ephesians 5:25–33, referred to Genesis 2:24 to explain the mystery of the one flesh union created by marriage.

The sinfulness of men and women

The inherent sinfulness of mankind is widely acknowledged, and the pathway of history is strewn with evidence of mankind’s sinful nature.  The Bible provides a clear explanation of mankind’s tendency to sin.  The third chapter of Genesis tells how Adam and Eve disobeyed God’s command not to eat of the Tree of the knowledge of Good and Evil.  By this act of rebellion against God, sin entered the human race and all became sinners.  The Bible tells us, ‘There is no-one righteous, not even one’ and ‘all have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no-one who does good, not even one’ (Romans 3:10,12).  This truth, that all people are sinful, is one of the most profound truths of the Bible, for it demonstrates that all mankind need salvation from sin.  It also explains that we live in an imperfect world, with imperfect human relationships.  The corollary of this is that relation­ships between men and women are affected by our tendency to sin.  It follows that all marriages will have problems, for both husbands and wives are imperfect sinful human beings.  There are no perfectly happy marriages.

Jesus’ teaching on marriage

When the Pharisees challenged Jesus about the grounds for divorce, he took the opportunity to re-emphasise God’s plan for marriage.  He pointed out that the divine blueprint for marriage was given at the time of Creation and quoted from Genesis 2:24, thereby reiterating its importance.  Jesus said:

Haven’t you read, …that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?  So they are no longer two, but one.  Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate (Matthew 19:4–6). 

With these famous words Christ endorsed marriage as a divine ordinance established at Creation and highlighted its essential characteristics. 

A man leaves his father and mother

At the heart of marriage is the idea that a man leaves the family into which he was born and forms a new family with his wife.  This point is of funda­mental importance and needs to be clearly understood; marriage creates a new family as husband and wife leave the family of their parents and start a family home together.  In an essay on divorce, Carl Laney makes the point that ‘a man must let go of his parents, with the view to establishing his own home and family’.7  In order to cement this unity the man leaves his father and mother so that he can give his full devotion to his wife.  The leaving of the parental family is a public event.  According to Henri Blocher, ‘In biblical times the event the Bible calls marriage involved the whole society.  The idea of a purely private marriage is simply a recent aberration, the result of individualism and of the disintegration of traditional communities.  The marriage feast assured that the marriage was a public event. For Scripture the marriage bond is a part of those social realities supervised by the civil authority; it is the law which binds a woman to her husband.’8  It is important for society to know that when a couple start living together they are joined to each other in marriage.  This is because the family is the basic institution of a good society.  Marriage is good for the stability of society, and for the moral well-being of the nation. 

For this reason a good society has always frowned on people living together in a sexual relationship without being married.  Those who cohabit have correctly been labelled as living in sin for they are flaunting the most basic moral laws of a good society.  Children born outside marriage, until a few years ago, were officially referred to as illegitimate, for they were the product of a relationship that was not recognised by society.  It is customary for a forthcoming marriage to be announced in public so that society knows that a man and woman are to be joined in a lawful marriage.  A prerequisite is that both partners are eligible for marriage and any person who knows of a reason why the marriage cannot lawfully take place has a responsibility to declare it.  There is a social responsibility to prevent unlawful, bigamist marriages, and to prevent illegitimate births. 

The husband and wife take their marriage vows in front of witnesses and make clear their intention to live together as a family for life.  It is public knowledge that the man and woman are committed for life and are not available to others.  Marriage rings may be exchanged as an outward symbol of the marriage union.  A register records the details of the marriage, and most are celebrated with a ceremony.  Many marriages are announced in a newspaper and everybody in the community knows that a couple have become man and wife.   

A man is united to his wife

At marriage a man is united to his wife.  Their unity is based upon vows to live together as husband and wife and to be faithful to each other, whatever the circumstances, until ‘death us do part’.  Their vows are made in the presence of God, and he is the divine witness to the marriage.  Husband and wife are, in fact, entering into a covenant relationship that cannot be broken, except by death, even should one partner prove unfaithful.  In their heart and conscience they know that the bond created by marriage is for life.  The marriage union provides the fullest expression of mutual loving companionship that human beings can experience in this world.  The union created by marriage is not only physical, but is also an emotional and spiritual unity of profound dimensions, as a husband and wife become one flesh.

The word cleave is used in the older translations of the Bible and means to cling to or keep close to, implying loyalty and affection.  According to Laney ‘a study of the word cleave suggests that marriage involves a partner­ship commitment to which the husband and wife must be loyal; the biblical concept suggests the idea of being super-glued together – bound inseparably by a commitment to a lifelong relationship’.9  It follows that a man and woman who have been glued together by marriage cannot be easily separated – indeed, separation is likely to cause great damage.

No longer two, but one flesh

Quoting the verse in Genesis, Jesus says ‘the two will become one flesh’ and draws the following conclusion, ‘So they are no longer two, but one.’  The man and woman who enter into the marriage bond become one flesh and are no longer two, but one entity.  The apostle Paul develops this concept by teaching that ‘husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself.  After all, no-one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it’ (Ephesians 5:28–29).  Paul is saying that a wife is actually a part of her husband’s body—she is of his flesh and blood.  He illustrates this mystery by revealing a profound truth that when a man loves his wife he loves himself for she is a part of him.  It follows that when a man hates his wife he hates his own body.  Paul then quotes Genesis 2:24, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’, acknowledging that it is a mystery.  There is something so deep and wonderful in the marriage bond that we need spiritual insight fully to understand its divine significance.  The union of husband and wife is used in the Scriptures as a symbol of the unity between Christ and his Church; Christ is the bridegroom and the Church is his bride.  Paul says that the Church is a part of Christ; we are members of the body of Christ and Christ is the head of the Church.  In the same way, the wife is part of the body of her husband.  This union between Christ and his Church is based on the covenant promise, sealed in his blood, that he will never leave us or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6).  He will remain faithful to his promises even although we are faithless.

After a man and woman become one flesh by marriage they can never again be the same as they were before this transformation takes place.  In an essay on divorce William Heth explains the union in this way.  ‘Something unique and “creational” takes place when husband and wife consummate their marriage covenant: they become closely related (one flesh).’10  Heth shows that Jesus’ interpretation of Scripture implies that God himself is involved in creating this new family unit.  ‘Thus Jesus explains that marriage involves three persons: a man, a woman, and the One who in the beginning created mankind as male and female.’11  This union changes the relation­ship of the man and his wife with other family members.  Indeed, the biblical statement ‘they become one flesh’ affirms that just as blood relations are one’s flesh and blood, so marriage creates a similar kinship relation between man and wife.  They are as closely related as a brother and sister.  In their book, Jesus and Divorce (1984), Wenham and Heth express the view that ‘the moment a man married a woman she became an integral part of his family in the same way in which children born into that family did’.12  It follows that a husband is closely related to his wife’s female relatives, and should his wife die or he divorce her, he could not marry them, for the family relation­ship remains intact.  For the same reason, the wife will never be able to marry her husband’s father even should her husband die, or divorce her. 

The fundamental principle is that the one flesh marriage bond is indissoluble and even divorce cannot break it. Moreover, the family relationships between children and their grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins are not changed by divorce; they remain each other’s flesh and blood, and are related for life.  So Jesus made a profound statement when he said they are one, thereby confirming the indissoluble nature of the marriage bond—the consequences of marriage are for life.  As the apostle Paul says, ‘by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive…’ (Romans 7:2).  This is why it is so important for husband and wife to be faithful to each other. 

The one flesh union is complete when the couple consummate their marriage union by sexual intercourse.  Husband and wife lovingly share their sexual life, accepting that their sexual union is likely to be blessed by the birth of children.  They accept with joy the children that result, for they are the natural, legitimate products of their union—clear evidence that they are truly one flesh. According to Laney the concept of one flesh is illustrated by the children who are born into the family.  By their offspring, husband and wife are indissolubly united into one person.13  Both parents contribute equally to the genetic make up of their children, and the likeness to their parents witnesses to this fact.  The one flesh bond created by parenthood is indissoluble, and a child can have only one set of parents.  Divorce does not break the bond between parents and children.

The custom of a woman taking the surname of the man she marries symbolised their oneness as a family, and is based on the biblical truth illustrated when Adam was given the responsibility of naming his wife.  The family name is important, for society is able to identify the members of a family by their name.  The fact that all the members share a common name illustrates their unity as a family and that they belong together as an entity.  All the children born into the family will be known by the family name. The contemporary notion that a married woman can retain her maiden name is fundamentally contrary to the idea of biblical marriage; it denies the reality of the one flesh marriage bond.  Furthermore, through marriage the husband and wife become members of a wider extended family, with a host of new family relationships.  Both husband and wife acquire many relatives, which may include father and mother-in-law, and brothers and sisters-in-law.  Because of the current confusion that surrounds definitions of the family, this point must again be emphasised.  Biblical teaching makes it clear that a family is formed by the marriage of a man and a woman.  Without marriage, there is no family. 

What God has joined let man not separate  

Having stressed the importance of the creational ordinance of marriage, Jesus concluded with the words, ‘Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.’  He contrasts the divine action of joining together husband and wife with the human inclination to separate as a matter of convenience.  According to Jesus, it is God who joins a husband and wife in marriage.  This means that God is the author of the new family created by marriage.  And so we see a profound biblical truth— families are created by God, and not by man. Jesus is saying that at the most fundamental level a man and woman are joined by God to become a family in marriage.  In his book Divorce & Remarriage (1993), Andrew Cornes writes, ‘whenever a man and woman marry, whatever the circumstances that have brought them together, it is God who is yoking them to one another’.14  Therefore those who think correctly about marriage will no longer think of a man and his wife as two separate entities.15 

Jesus warns of the human inclination to break the marriage bond with the words ‘let man not separate’.  He knew what was in the heart of men and women; he knew that they would not readily accept the divine institution of marriage but would want to use divorce as the remedy for unhappy marriages.  And so he warns them not to separate what God has joined together.  A married couple has a moral responsibility before God to maintain the family formed at their marriage.  Because God joins a couple in marriage, no human being should attempt to destroy it.  This is a warning to the marriage partners themselves; they should not do anything that will endanger their marriage.  In particular, they should not form any relationship that would threaten their marriage and the family of which their children are a part.  Other people should also be careful not to take any action that could endanger a marriage and thereby break a family.  For a third person to form a liaison with someone who is married is fundamentally wrong as it endangers the marriage.  Adultery is a grievous sin for it can break a marriage, and cause great harm to the whole family, husband, wife and children. 

Biblical teaching on the marriage relationship

Because marriage is an essential, indissoluble bond, the Bible gives clear instructions about how a married couple should live together.  In the Bible the unity between Christ and his Church is used as a symbol of the marriage relationship—just as Christ and his Church are one, so husband and wife are one. The roles and responsibilities of husband and wife and the way the family should be governed are described in the Bible.  The need for husband and wife to have a correct understanding of the significance of their marriage, and the right attitude towards each other is emphasized.  Biblical Christianity lays down a clear moral framework for the behaviour of men and women, teaching that sexual activity should be confined to the marriage relationship.  All forms of sexual immorality are condemned as sinful and a cause of harm to those involved.  The Bible teaches that ‘marriage should be honoured by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral’ (Hebrews 13:4).

Two passages in the Bible provide teaching about the behaviour of husband and wife.  The apostle Paul in his letter to the Ephesians (5:22–33) and the apostle Peter in his first letter (1 Peter 3:1–7) give clear instructions to Christian believers on the way they ought to behave in marriage.  

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church… Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy… In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself… Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband (Ephesians 5:22–33).  

Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. ...They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master... Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers (1 Peter 3:1–7).  

The headship of the husband

The Bible teaches that the husband is the head of the family.  The headship of the husband is taught explicitly in Ephesians. ‘For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church... Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in every­thing’ (Ephesians 5:23,24).  In 1 Corinthians 11:3 we read, ‘Now I want you to realise that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.’  According to the Bible there is a hierarchy of authority within the family.  The family is not to be leaderless, nor is it to be governed by whim or fancy, nor by the majority view.  Instead the husband has been given the responsibility of leadership in the family. 

The husband, however, is to exercise his leadership role under the authority of Christ, who is his head and the example he should follow in exercising his role. As the leader, he has a responsibility to provide for and protect his wife and children, and is responsible, together with his wife, for the moral well-being of his family.  In an essay on headship Edward Donnelly writes, ‘God has established a structure in which “the head of the woman is man”.  This is evident from creation, witnessed to by “nature” and supported by universal Christian practice.  Man’s headship is carefully qualified so that it poses no threat to woman’s worth, dignity or meaningful role in life.  Still, he is head and the woman rejects this authority to her and his shame and to dishonour God.’16  For a husband not to take on his God-given leadership responsibility in marriage is to fail his wife and his family, and lays the seeds of dissension in the marriage.  He has a unique leadership role in the family that he should not abdicate.17

The concept of male headship is anathema to feminist ideology.  As we have seen, it is attacked as the foundation of the patriarchal society, and the cause of women’s oppression. According to feminist thinking, marriage must be an equal partnership where each submits to the other.18  But this is a dangerous teaching for it denies biblical truth. Throughout the Bible it is made clear that the man has a leadership role in the family.

Wives submit to your husbands

The Bible teaches that the wife should accept the authority of her husband to lead the family, and submit willingly to his leadership.19  According to George Knight, writing in Recovering biblical Manhood and Womanhood (1991), ‘this particular exhortation to the wife to submit to her husband is the universal teaching of the New Testament.  Every passage that deals with the relation­ship of the wife to her husband tells her to “submit to” him.’20  Colossians 3:18 tells wives to ‘submit to their husbands, as is fitting in the Lord’, and Titus 2:5 instructs wives ‘to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no-one will malign the word of God’.  She should not challenge his leadership, but should rather support and help him in this role, accepting that it is God who has vested the leadership of the family in her husband.  And the example that is used to illustrate the attitude of the wife, is that she should submit to her husband in the same way as the Church submits to its Lord.  There can be no greater example of submission.  So the wife should not in any way undermine the authority of her husband, for that would damage the family of which she is an integral part; it would also damage her children.  Moreover, not only should she submit with an attitude of complete accept­ance, but also in everything (Ephesians 5:24).  The Bible leaves little doubt about the importance of submission to the headship role of the husband.  It mentions the holy women of the past who were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed her husband Abraham, and called him her master (1 Peter 3:5–6).

It is not difficult to see why feminist ideology is violently opposed to this Christian teaching.  The idea that a wife should actually submit to her husband is unthinkable to the feminist mind, and goes against the most fundamental tenet of feminism.  For this reason many feminist writers have attacked marriage as an irrelevant and outdated institution.

Husbands love your wives

The husband is to show a deep love for his wife.  We have seen that God has joined the husband and wife together so that they become one flesh, one entity, and part of each other.  The husband should love and cherish his wife as himself, as the Scripture says ‘husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies’ (Ephesians 5:28).  As Christ loved the church so the husband must love his wife.  Christ’s love was unconditional—he loved us although we did not love him.  And he showed his love by giving of himself, for ‘Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her’ (Ephesians 5:25).  Following this example, the husband must put the interests of his wife and family above his own.  A loving husband will give of himself for the benefit of his wife.21  By loving his wife, he will bring great blessing on the family of which he is the head.  And if he does not love his wife then he damages his family, his children and himself.  As the Bible says, ‘He who loves his wife loves himself’ (Ephesians 5:28).

Wives respect your husbands

We have seen that the wife must submit to her husband because he is the head of the family.  Yet she can submit to her husband without respecting him.  But that would be wrong for submission without respect means that the wife submits with a poor attitude, not really understanding why she should do so.  She must respect her husband because he is the head of the family, the father of her children, and the provider and protector of the family home.  She should respect her husband because God has com­manded her to do so (Ephesians 5:33) and because it is the right thing to do.  George Knight writes, ‘A wife’s respecting her husband and his headship therefore implies that her submission involves not only what she does but also her attitude in doing it.’22  The husband has the major responsibility for maintaining order and discipline within the family; this is no easy task, and he needs the respect of his wife as he strives to fulfil his role.  After all, how will the children respect their father if his wife does not do so?

Marriage and children

The action of Jesus following the dramatic encounter with the Pharisees show why marriage is so important and why divorce is not an option.  After issuing his serious warning to married couples not to separate, the gospel of Matthew records,

Then little children were brought to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them.  But the disciples rebuked those who brought them.  Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these’ (Matthew 19:13–14). 

By his loving attitude towards children Jesus is showing that divorce is not even to be contemplated; that husband and wife, and especially father and mother, are never to separate.  Here again we see the action of Christ, which is to love and care for children, and the action of his disciples, who fail to understand the value God places on children.  Jesus knew that marriage is the God-given institution in which the divine command to ‘be fruitful and multiply’ is to be fulfilled.  God’s intention is that the marriage relationship should be fruitful and produce children.  The Bible tells us that, ‘Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him.  Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth.  Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them’ (Psalm 127: 3–5).  Children are a gift from God and those parents who have many children – or as the Psalmist would say, ‘a quiver full of arrows’ – are blessed by God.  The birth of children brings with it parental responsibilities as husband and wife become father and mother.  Parents have a God-given responsibility to care for their children—it is unthinkable that they would not do so.  The Proverbs of Solomon make it clear that the father and mother must teach and instruct their children, and so children are advised to ‘Listen ...  to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching’ (Proverbs 1:8).  Within the family home, children are to be loved, taught, and disciplined by both their mother and their father.  This is God’s plan.  Parents, and especially fathers, have a duty to train and discipline their children.  The Bible makes it very clear that all children need parental discipline, and that the father should take the lead in disciplining the children, ‘For what son is not disciplined by his father?’ (Hebrews 12:7). 

Moreover, discipline is for the good of the children, for it teaches them that they cannot always have their own way; they need to develop self-control and self-discipline, and they need to recognise and respect the authority of their parents.  Parental discipline warns children of the dangers of immoral behaviour.  The discipline that parents exercise over their children is a sign of their love, for while any discipline seems unpleasant at the time, it produces a harvest of good in the long run.  Parents are to teach their children the difference between right and wrong, and, by their behaviour, set an example for their children to follow.  A major problem associated with divorce is that it separates parents from their children.  This makes it difficult for parents to discipline their children and to teach them a moral foundation on which they can base their lives.  By divorcing, parents show their children that marriage does not matter; by honouring their marriage vows, parents teach their children the importance of marriage and the family. 

The Bible teaches that a fundamental purpose of marriage is to provide a secure family home in which children are to be nurtured as they grow into adulthood.  This biblical teaching is an eternal truth, and applies to all people, and for all time.  And this point needs to be underlined—God’s plan for marriage is not only for Christians, but is for all people.  It is part of God’s common grace; the Creator designed marriage for the good of all.  Those who are not Christian need to recognise the wisdom of the biblical view of marriage; to do so will bring great blessing to their family.  Those who accept and follow biblical teaching, and understand the true meaning and significance of marriage, are unlikely ever to contemplate divorce, for they know that a father and mother must protect and love their children when they are at their most innocent and vulnerable.  The marital relation­ship between husband and wife, and the parental relationship between parents and children are inextricably linked, because they are the relationships that make the family home complete.  To break either relationship is to harm the family, and when one member of the family suffers the whole family is damaged. This is the reason why divorce is such as disaster for all the members of the family.

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Chapter 15.  What God has joined together

1.     Hansard. Lords debate, 18 May 1857, cc523-31.

2.     Ibid. cc516-21.

3.     Ibid. cc513-14.

4.     Hansard. Commons debate, 3 July 1857, cc767-73.

5.     Hansard. Commons debate, 31 July 1857, cc825-55.

6.     Hansard. Commons debate, 30 July 1857, cc736-42.

7.     J. Carl Laney. ‘No divorce and no remarriage’, in H. Wayne House (ed.), Divorce and remarriage: Four Christian views. Downers Grove, Inter-Varsity Press, 1990, p17.

8.     Henri Blocher. In the Beginning. Leicester, Inter-Varsity Press, 1984, pp105-6.

9.     Laney, ‘No divorce and no remarriage’, p18.

10.   William A. Heth. ‘Divorce, but No Remarriage’, in H. Wayne House (ed.), Divorce and remarriage: Four Christian views. Downers Grove, Inter-Varsity Press, 1990, p77.

11.   Ibid. p77.

12.   Gordon J. Wenham and William E. Heth.  Jesus and divorce. Updated edition. Carlisle, Paternoster Press, 1997, p105.

13.   Laney, ‘No divorce and no remarriage’, p20.

14.   Andrew Cornes. Divorce and remarriage: Biblical principles and pastoral practice. London, Hodder & Stoughton, 1993, p66.

15.   Ibid. p65.

16.   Edward Donnelly. ‘Headship,’ in Brian Edwards (ed.), Men, women and authority. London, Day One Publications, 1996, p110.

17.   Wayne Grudem. ‘Wives like Sarah, and the husbands who honour them: 1 Peter 3:17’, in John Piper and Wayne Grudem. (eds.), Recovering biblical manhood and womanhood. Wheaton, Ill., Crossway Books, 199l, p199.

18.   Elaine Storkey. What’s right with feminism. London, Third Way Books, SPCK, 1985, p182.

19.   Wayne Grudem. ‘Wives like Sarah, and the husbands who honour them: 1 Peter 3:17’, p196.

20.   George W. Knight. ‘Husbands and wives as analogues of Christ and the Church: Ephesians 5:21-33’, in John Piper and Wayne Grudem. (eds.), Recovering biblical manhood and womanhood. Wheaton, Ill., Crossway Books, 199l, p168.

21.   Ibid. p172.

22.  Ibid. p175.